Monday, August 11, 2014

So much to say about this day

Yet all I can coherently get out is "No comment."

RIP Robin Williams. Much love to my family and friends and indeed the world as we grieve over the loss of such an iconic human being. And I hope everyone grants his family's wish to be left with their privacy until they're ready to share.

Hug your kids and your friends. Teach them to listen. Not to lecture, not to give direction, but to sit and listen. Today hurt for me too. And that was long before I heard the news. Today just hurt. I was a bit out of it and not feeling well. Worried about everything. But I kept moving. Some days it's only because I know I have to take care of my family. Some days it's just because of habit. Most days it's because I've screamed at myself in my head that I have to get moving and once I start the rest is easier. Getting out of bed is the hardest part.

Yes, I have a history of depression and anxiety. It has required medication off and on for years. Right now it is mostly managed, thanks to an amazing support network. I've never seriously considered suicide, because the problems would still be there, they'd just be pushed off on someone else. The thought of doing that was always unconscionable.

I'm tired. Still not entirely happy. We'll see what tomorrow brings. I'll attempt a bit more coherent thought then.

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